Learning To Express Myself
I like to walk around at night.
Feels right. Might be that dark is lighter
On my soul, despite my fighting
Eyes beholding shadows forming;
Warnings scold my peaceful roaming.
Delight advising cries inside me
Insightful lies to smite my whining.
Find it’s time to breathe in deeply.
Feel me melt into existence.
Below my feet, I ground resistance
Free by feeling what’s persistant;
Tears absolving time and distance.
I write ’cause pain is coming out.
Ripe with claws it flays my heart,
Incites my flaws, displays my doubt,
And spites me ’til I fall apart.
Delighted by what pleases now,
I fight it writing rhyming down.
And it’s subsiding even now
Binding words and heart, I’m finding
More I’m minding verbs and timing
I’m sliding into peace somehow.
I made you a promise once,
Dime and a nickel ago.
To do the best to honor us.
Time can be so fickle though.
Find it rarely trickles slow.
Rewind all my excuses so,
Reminding who I used to know
Designs me in a better way.
Describe your heart with words I say
Defined by what I miss today.
Refined by everything you pray.
On a good day, it seems.
Dial’s cranked to the teens
Kindly mind me beside thee,
It’s hot in these jeans.
Find I’m rude to extremes,
Then I start to get mean.
I’m rotting while plotting
What’s causing disease.
I simmer like dinner is
thinner for bingers
who lingered in winter;
So thin like a stinger
That’s slimmer when nearer.
Sometimes when I write these
Limerick-y rhymes, their
Enzymes are my grief squeezed
Synergistically
Brutally
Most times I only write when
The grossest kinds of lonely
Bite my focused mind and
Stone me, spite not noticing
Empathetically
Selfishly
I feel a little better
Beckoned fleeting reflections of you.
Behold to unfold such connection, it’s
True that I missed most the meat
on my bones due to you. Forgetting
to eat as I wander the wood.
But the smile on your face brings a magical mood,
And familiars are sweet. Look! They greet me with food!
Spend years here in place of my usual zoo.
But…I fail to negate the rate of elation
that races to spaces of imagination
Makes me want to keep this and hold it in station
So sickened with hubris I ended up wasting.
If it goes back to the ether, was it ever created?
I woke up, too tired to fight.
Opened my eyes, then closed them tight.
My broken mind was wired all night.
Choking the sight of me out of my life.
Think it’s best to hide away.
Shrink and nest inside today.
Blink twice to miss my life this way.
My stink depresses, please don’t stay.
I wouldn’t even remember me.
I couldn’t reason tranquility,
And shouldn’t receive transparency;
A fool, so leave the lights off please.
As only holes are welcome here.
The lonely souls you cannot fill.
Alone, yet something hates me still.
To sleep is justice unfulfilled.
There’s subliminal belittling
In everything that you say to me.
We are eventually bickering
Simply breathing in proximity
To your criminal therapy.
As you’re finishing imagining
This apparition you say is me,
I am marshalling my reasoning
By fashioning a partitioning
Between what was – you and me.
Gosh, her name’s been on my mind;
Never a better soul you’d find.
Washed my shame and clawed my hide,
Squashed the pain when I confide.
Let it wet her eyes in pleasure
Splendid fevers I provide.
Toss, dismember, put back together
Ending severs what I decide.
Regretting never – we are forever!
Spending futures with her in sight.
Render splendor in the center
of her forehead every night.
Like I’m trapped in the ice;
“Free my men to the sea!
Let them eat of my flesh.”
Plead to feed their way free.
See me lead to their teeth?
Sick of all this display.
Like I’m caught in the sway,
Spiked by jaws full of rocks,
Wiped my flaws from the spot
Where a healed wound lay.
akennific 