Learning To Express Myself
When I hit rock bottom last summer,
So somber and rotten, I’d sought
Out a lover. Forgotten to
call her, then split early autumn.
By winter, my bitterness festers
and lingers, depresses and hinders
Interest in the simplest assistance
Requested. Defeated, why plead with the
healers that treat it. Discreetly
retreat as the next person needs it.
I look as though I stand
For something respectable.
Faking while shaking hands
Is a skin and digestible.
Mistaking my statements
For trading identical
chemical cadences.
You’re a forgettable
business arrangement
Displayed so engagement
Is witnessed first hand!
Not that you see your
Own head in the sand.
Why do I always pick
Sides when beside them
Despite that I’m sick
and in need of confiding?
They always seemed mean
When I needed it least.
Looked at my face and seen
All my grief. I’m not keen
On repeating displeasing
Relief to pay for an hour that
Doesn’t come cheap.
I made you a promise once,
Dime and a nickel ago.
To do the best to honor us.
Time can be so fickle though.
Find it rarely trickles slow.
Rewind all my excuses so,
Reminding who I used to know
Designs me in a better way.
Describe your heart with words I say
Defined by what I miss today.
Refined by everything you pray.
There’s subliminal belittling
In everything that you say to me.
We are eventually bickering
Simply breathing in proximity
To your criminal therapy.
As you’re finishing imagining
This apparition you say is me,
I am marshalling my reasoning
By fashioning a partitioning
Between what was – you and me.
Gosh, her name’s been on my mind;
Never a better soul you’d find.
Washed my shame and clawed my hide,
Squashed the pain when I confide.
Let it wet her eyes in pleasure
Splendid fevers I provide.
Toss, dismember, put back together
Ending severs what I decide.
Regretting never – we are forever!
Spending futures with her in sight.
Render splendor in the center
of her forehead every night.
With her little hand in mine,
I whittle riddles in my mind.
The subtle, heartfelt thoughts aside,
I wonder if she knows her size;
As underneath my nervous eyes,
Hides a brittle man disguised
That came to life inside your smile;
Your mortar makes me come alive.
When you laugh with your eyes,
Right before you smile.
Breathtaking dark skies.
I’m lost in them awhile.
I found there my heart,
And forever will be
At home in the part
Of your soul I do see.
akennific 